solitude.

There are certain moments in your life that you never forget for one reason or another. I've been thinking about one of those a lot lately. Mainly, because I've been listening to a lot of M83 recently.

In April 2005, I packed my bags and flew from JFK to Madrid for two lovely weeks with my best friend in the whole world, Kerry. She had been living there since Feb. and with a ticket only costing $375.00 on airfrance, there was no way I could pass up a trip to my favorite country in the world (besides Los Estados Unidos Mexicanas). We spent la Semana Santa in Cuenca in Castilla la Mancha and Easter Sunday in a deserted Madrid. We ate like kings, making a roasted veggie pasta with fresh cheese and a not so great bottle of Spanish white wine. It was a great night.

There is nothing I enjoy more than long train trips. Not Amtrak, but real european long distance train travel. The first time I went to Spain, Kerry and I took an overnight train from Sevilla to Barcelona (about an 11 hour or so ride) and decided to spend the extra $30 bucks each and split a private car with beds. Our seats turned into two bunk beds with red plaid blankets and a sink. We spent the evening giggling and drinking little bottles of wine from the cafe car. A sleepover on the rails. Amazing! So when it came time for me to get back to Marid for my flight at the end of my trip in Spain. I was in the tiny town of Palau, a village close to Figurese on the Costa Brava and about 20 km from the French boarder. My only choice? An overnight train from the North of Cataluna to Madrid. My eurorail pass only allowed me to sleep in a 6 person couchette where you must spoon your backpack and there is so little room to move that no one sleeps. What a horrific way to end my trip! So at the last minute and a tiny bit of luck, I landed the last private car on the train for an additional 65 euro ($90 usd) which, at the end of the trip was difficult (yeah, thanks mom!) When I got to my private car which was pretty much the same set up as the one I shared with Kerry, but with one difference. I had a shower! And a towel! WOAH! And There was a train person for just our section that would wake us up in the morning, lock our doors for us when we got up and was only a little phone call away (that is, if you spoke Spanish).

It was 14 hours from Figures to Madrid. I pondered what I was going to do with my time. I got a Jamon Serrano sandwich con queso and two little bottles of wine. I put on my pajamas and my ipod and sat quietly next to the window, watching the towns whiz by at dusk. The song "Slowly" by M83 played on my iPod and for some reason the scene was just perfect. The music synced to the scene out the window and the way I felt in my tiny train car. I spent the rest of the night, chilled out, with my little bottles of red wine, some pills, and the book "Ignorance" by Milan Kundera. That night, I never felt so alone but yet so liberated. I was as far away from anyone I knew on a train in a foreign country, traveling through the night to my destination. I woke up in the morning to the sound of my in car phone ringing, telling me we would be at the station in 1 hour. I took a shower, did my makeup and repacked my bag. My flight wasn't for hours so I headed to the airport and dropped off my luggage and headed into Madrid via subway to see the sun come up on Plaza Mayor. I sat in the corner of a cafe on the Plaza, ordered a cafe con leche and a croissant while trying to ignore the large table of German teenage tourists making a racket and annoying everyone within earshot. I am not sure what I want to tell you with this story. I have never felt so alone but yet so safe and happy. The solitude that I had in that 12-16 hours was unlike any other time I have had in my life. The quietness, the lack of human communication. It was stunning. I did not want to go home. I wanted to take another overnight train with nothing but a change of clothing, my cameras and a few dollars to my name. One day, maybe I will have the guts to plan a trip alone and travel to unknown places and learn about them and learn about myself.

photo note: i only took the first photo on this post. since my computer was stolen in feb, all of the digital images i took while i was in spain are gone. i had photos of my cute sleeper car and my morning on the plaza major. maybe ill find copies one day...

Early fall: always a tease.

Autumn is my favorite season, hands down. This love affair with fall came from an early age and for years has ruined every summer for as long as I remember. I hate horrible heat and humidity but summer is a great relief to the horrid winters we have in New England over and over again. Only in the last few years have I come to enjoy summertime and not sit indoors all summer, waiting and praying for autumn to begin. September has always been a tease for me too. I always expect that once September comes, the weather will become cool and crisp and my favorite sweaters can come out of the closet. But of course, its not cool enough for me until at least the middle of October and by the end of December, I am ready for winter to be over already. Today was the perfect example. It was unusually cool (around 69 degrees) with a cool breeze and I left my house in my favorite pair of jeans, t-shirt and a nice brown long sleeved waffle henley. It was such a nice change. Tonight was even better. It got nice and crisp and I broke out my new favorite hoodie and scowered Tewksbury for a pack of cloves, the perfect fall indulgence (okay, besides apple cider donuts). Now its raining and cool. My windows are open and the rain is so calming. I always forget tho... A week from now, its going to be 85 again, and I'm going to pout and wish it was the end of September.

I have a lot to do tomorrow, hopefully REALLY updating this blog will be one of them. I plan on going to Johnny's Lebanese Market in Tewksbury for some fresh hummus and olives, take J.W. on a date to see Pirates of The Caribbean and hopefully a bite to eat, a quick trip to target, and of course, the new season of Real Time with Bill Maher tomorrow night which I have been waiting for FOR MONTHS. What a good day its going to be. Yaya!

For fall: the rain boot.

On my search for the perfect army green rainboots, I found three different choices, all of them cute and big price gaps between them. I thought I would do what most fashion magazines do and make a list, featuring one style of boot in three different price ranges. Here we goooooo..


On the cheap: I'm a huge fan of l.l. bean. There is something so classic new England about them tho, I probably wouldn't buy my wardrobe from there I would buy a camo tote bag OR a classic pair of dark green wellies. These L.L.bean classic wellies have an adjustable strap on calf for a perfect fit and the price couldn't be better at $49.50


The classic: Hunter's is the original wellie and made in Scotland. It has that English countryside vibe because yes, that's what they were originally made for. They also come in 9 colors including light pink, yellow, powder blue, pumpkin and of course the "classic green". They also have an adjustable calf strap on the side for the perfect fit and the very cute, hunters label right on the front. The best thing about these boots? You can buy wellies warmers for inside that coordinate with all the colors the boots come in that make these boots a great transition from rainy autumn days into cold and stormy winter days. You can get them at wellie-boots.com for $98.00. The warmers are $30.00.


Go for broke: my favorite designer Marc Jacobs has done it again with these amazing forest green wellies. While they don't have the adjustable calf strap that the other two do, these look a little more form fitting and I'm sure, fashionable, then the two listed above. This pair also has a slight sheen to them that set them apart as well as a little black tag on the side that says "Marc by Marc Jacobs" in white writing. At $154.00, these aren't outrageously priced but a little steep for a pair of rain boots. Regardless, they are adorable. Available at zappos.com.

finally! i felt left out...

today, i recieved my first african money scam email. some how it was linked to my kaboodle account, don't know how... but the whole thing is just too funny. i have a few things to post about today, but i thought i would put this up there to share with you all for a giggle.

Dearest One
I am writting this letter with due respect and heartful of tears since we have not known or met ourselves previously. I am asking for your assistance to lead me to the right channel towards to be out of the critical situation i am now I went through your profile and i found you as some one whom ican trust and pray for God to give me a trustwhardy person who can allow and lead me to the right channel . I will make my proposal well known if I am given the opportunity.
I am introducing my self as Ms. Natasha Daniella , the only Dauther of late Chief and Mrs Desmond Yana Andani , I wish to request for your assistance in a financial assistance. , And I wish to invest in Manufacturing and real estate management in your country. E.t.c

I have sixteen Million Five hundred thousand united states dollars.USD($16.500,000) to invest in your country, and I will require your assistance in clearing the consignment Out from security company here in Cote Di Voire ( Ivory Coast ) / west africa, I will be gladly to give you 15% out of the total sum of the money for your kind assistance.

please it is very important you contact me immediately on my private email address:(natasha_dane209@yahoo.com) for further explanation on how we will proceed.

Awaiting your immediate response
Thanks and God bless.
Best Regards
Natasha

sew somthing!

I got a random e-mail today for the new sew-u book by built by wendy. as i was scowering the website, I found that she is now making patterns put out by Simplicity. They are so adorable. There are only a few of them, but between the book and the patterns, I am excited about the prospects of making some of my own things. That is, if i can start sewing a straight line...

check out the built by wendy patterns. the book is also cool. and if i every played guitar or bass for long enough, i would have especially loved one of her guitar straps circa 1995. so cute.

an announcement.

i am no longer crazy, sad, depressed or feeling pointless, hopeless or anything else that sounds shitty. i am thrilled to finally be feeling better after months of feeling less than okay. my back still SUCKS and i'm going to the brigham and womans fancy pain managment center tomorrow for treatment. woooo.

i want to go out and do stuff before summer is over. abby owes me a swim at the"club" asap. i think i also need to hit salisbury beach too. i also have the desire to take pictures again. thank god.

its been a bad few weeks but i have never felt better.

on the ny post tip...

i found this picture in our system one fine day. it is wonderful. i am not sure who took it but just the idea of him walking around, slinging those leicas makes my little heart sing. in case you don't know who the hell this is, its henri cartier bresson ps, if anyone can get me a copy of the The Decisive Moment, I might just die. and speaking of leica's. ive always wanted the above, herme's edition leica. how adorable is it? okay so it just has some "hermes" leather on the body and it comes in a pretty box and for only $10k, its a bargin right? ha! a girl can dream...

a year later, sort of...

as summer seems to come to a close (maybe its just this fall weather we are having) it is making me think last summer and my departure from the lovely photo cave that was the new york post some pervese part of me misses it. the people i worked with were great and i have to admit, having free reign to search the system for pictures of tara reid with her tit showing and then importing them into photoshop and blowing them up to 3200% was indeed, too much fun for one office job. as i mentioned before, we sat in a cave. 3 girl photo editors and our perky summer intern jen who i miss dearly. we had a tv with cable so whenever evelyn didn't come to work and make us watch cnn, we spent the afternoons watching oprah and all sorts of other nonsense. the cave used to be the darkroom. we had a drain on the floor, grey concreat floors (the very same kind my old photo lab had... ahhh) and an industral sink. it was an odd set up. we had no neighbors except the photo studio and they were just as isolated and loud as us so it worked out. i got to watch the boys from murder ball wheel by my office and the cast of the fantastic 4. (anthony tells me her skin sucks in person btw...) so the perks were plentful. the pay UNREAL and the owner moral OBJECTIONABLE. having only had odd jobs here and there since my arrival in nyc, i knew i couldn't turn down a sick job like this, even tho rupert murdock pretty much signed my paycheck (and once said hi to me in the elevator). oh yeah, and i saw geraldo carrying a fruit basket out of the building one fine afternoon which for so odd reason made me laugh for a good half hour. upsetting that i never saw o'reilly tho. i think that would have REALLY made my summer. but its been a year since i got fired/hired/quit (dont ask, my employer was kinda nuts) and almost a year since i left new york itself. its an odd feeling. that city had so much potential for me. too bad i hated it. well okay, its a love hate. i now live in a suburban house with dogs and plenty of space and no rent. what a contrast. i was hoping for a middle ground. but city life isnt really in me anymore... but i suppose neither is suburban. maybe i just need to move to bacelona, sit in cafe's and enjoy what is left of my life. who knows. what will this post say next year?

jagshemash!

I am so excited about the new Sacha Baron Cohen movie, Borat the movie. As part of the Ali G show, it is by far always my favorite part. if you go to apple.com you can watch the trailer. its too much for me to handle. i cant wait to see it! you should also go to the borat website. the shit on there is too funny. view the long trailer here, but just viewing the youtube video

on a lighter note...

i need to talk about leggings. you know... the ones that are in every store right now. i have a pair of footless tights i bought years ago and loved to wear around with my little denim skirt while riding a bike (you know, dont want to give a show for free!). my boyfriend and best friend told me how horrible they looked. i havent worn them since. i was crushed! they were kinda shiny and in retrospect, kinda didn't flatter me. but a year later, they are everywhere. okay and lets face it, practical! all those summer skirts and dressses you want to wear in the fall but its just a little too cold, you can. i thought i would throw caution to the wind and buy a pair at target for $5.99 that were a little bit longer and i thought, a little bit more flattering. i wore them to bed with my huge tunic sweatshirt (seen on the right - from free people) and not only was it cute, they were so comfortable. so then i wore them with my denim skirt. okay so i get it, this is this falls "trend" but i adore them. they are so soft, i dont want to take them off!! but i do have to say, these lace one and stripped ones, give me a break. who the fuck would wear that? maybe for halloween as pippie longstocking. who knows...

my vote is yes tho. im into it. like it or not. haha

P.L.O.? maybe

I've gotten some flak for sporting my very favorite scarf called a shemagh (or keffiyeh) over the past several months. Since it's summer, I'm not really wearing it much, tho it is meant for the hot desert weather and to prevent sand in the face. it is wearable in both hot and cold weather. It's huge and bulky and suprisingly incredbily warm and cozy during the winter months. And hey, it looks cool so why not right? I first saw some young european travelers wearing them in the spring of '05 in Barcelona. I had never seen them worn in a fashionable way before and was struck by the idea. And apparently im not the only one! I've seen various finnish youngins sporting them on hel-looks.com as well. It seems to be quite popular with the kids in europe and now I guess with the grossters in billyburg too. Maybe I should be sensitive about where I wear my symbolic scarf. You should have seen the looks i got as I shopped at Trader Joe's on Brookline ave. I know what they were thinking. Is it true? Hmm.. maybe. I have sorted views about the conflict between Palestine and Israel and tend to lean toward the injustice done to palestines. My views are most similar to and heavily influenced by Noam Chomsky who I think is brilliant and zionist think is anti-semitic (even tho he's jewish. hmm...). So for now, I'm sticking with style over political protest. That chick did, right?

A salaam aleikom

I just started reading No God But God:Origins, Evolution, and Future of IslamThe The by Reza Aslan. This book is truly amazing. I learned a little bit about Islam during my worlds religion class but just the basics. This book truly delves into the problems facing modern Islam as well as the very important history which divideds the more moderate Shi'a and the "orthodox" in a sense Sunni groups. The writing is incredibly bright and gripping. I always have a problem reading non-fiction books like the ones assigned in school. I think that those huge art history books really ruined it for me, and now I'm affraid to get into Diane Arbus: A Biography given to me by my grandfather because I am so affraid I will hate it simply because it is non-fiction. But the writing in this book keeps me wanting more. I am also deeply impressed by the knowledge of such a young person. If you are interested in this book or in Reza himself, check out this interview about his book on Fresh Air with Terry Gross which gives you a preview of the book amongst other things.

"Hezbollywood"?

I had a friend that was quite the extremist. I can't really deal with radicalism of any form, be it liberal or conservative or what have you.... But this article makes me sick. During the entire war between Hezbollah and Israel, Israelis and Jewish Americans have made a huge deal over how all these deaths were staged, 600 people were not really killed al-Reuters is reporting it wrong. If you notice, the only new organizations that focus on these radical views are Jewish ones, not non bias groups like the BBC. This is the BBC article this is what the Israeli insider thinks "really happened". I really don't want to say who is wrong or right but Israel's handling of the entire war has been gross. This blog examines "some" of the photographs taken while bodies were removed from the rubble. While some appear "staged" it seems to me the more important point would be to show how the conflict is really affecting the people who have to live through these bombings. Is a dead body held up? Yes. Does it make for a better shot. Yes. Death is real. And showing it by showing a limp body, I don't think is so unprofessional. Come to your own conclusions tho. View the "evidence" here. But let's not also forget the really wonderful gift summer camp children in Israel have given to the Lebanese. Nothing personal right?

the death of izone.

i was recently at walmart (don't ask, i hate that place...) and noticed that all izone film was 50% off. WHAT?! 3 packs for 5 bucks? no way. yes way. and i guess polaroid is discontinuing its line. why? because digital sucks. izones make perfect, cute, and memories that are pocket sized and often times come with a sticky back. i like to use mine to make cards. but as for the sale.. is stacked up. and instead of bring my bulky digital with me to my friends going away party i brought my tiny little izone, complete with a wrist strap that matche pefectly with that of the strap on my tangerine epi leather clutch. here is the product of that evening. there should be one of abby housing someone instead of just chugging that beer. too bad!

reDesign

so i decided to redo my blog. personalize it a bit. vanessa said she was sick of the dots herself and having to learn basic CSS and html with our shop, i figured i could make it work. it was a little bit more difficult that i thought and the end result isnt totally what i wanted it to be, but i will work on it bit by bit.

redesigning isn't the only thing i am doing! as much as i craft and photograph, i have many other things to add to the little online blog so i thought i would expand a bit. books, great online finds, politics and other odds and sods. so there will be a lot more babble coming from this little blog over here. LIKE IT OR NOT.

but i do hope you like it. and my lack of proper grammer and capitalization.

-rachel

what a mess!

this is all under construction all over again... and i really dont know what i am doing in terms of html... so sit tight. it will be fixed soon.

deadly squire, you!

i discovered this fantastic fabric in the seconds section of the home decor part of the fabric place the other day that has crows all over it. it reminds me of alfred hitchcock. so as i was searching the web i came across this website that uses there fabrics on a lot of the same projects i would! designpublic.com has some pretty cool stuff! but what caught my eye, was that big white dog! how cute! he is either a very fat (or big american eskimo dog) or a saymoyan. either way, he is just like my little mateo and i adore him. hes guarding the picasso. WATCH OUT!

materialism, in lists

so i discovered

kaboodle.com. its like del.icio.us and my amazon wishlist in one. since i cant seem to keep track of the things i cannot afford or buy... i thought i would make a list! woohoo. its not even close to done as there is too much useless stuff i want. so check it out, and make your own kaboodle account.

Feeling pointless

Lately, I've been looking around at my accomplishments (or lack there of). Some of my peers have been so successful. And where the fuck am I? I never wanted to be mediocre. I never wanted to lose passion. But what passion do I have? I lack basic knowledge and intelligence. I'm doing a job that is going to get me absolutely nowhere. While I don't hate it, what the fuck is the point? I don't take pictures anymore.

its 100 degrees outside. I'm miserable. I want to escape to some place beautiful. I'm sick of always being sad and always being in pain.

this is no life. It's pointless.

going broke: beauty style

my recent lack of funds has lead me out to various pharmacys to find products for cheap. ive never been able to buy makeup from the CVS or other places like that since I am so fair. Finding high end makeup in a color that is light enough is difficult enough. There are only 3 colors in all the makeup lines that match me. they all cost serious bucks. i dont have ANY of that. so here is a list of things that i have discovered that work just as well, if not better and cost SO little.


foundation:
this is my new favorite foundation. i usually use a tinted moisturizer (stila to be exact) but this is half the price at around $7.50 and worth every penny. They actually have an even lighter one which i will probably which to when winter comes. i use the covergirl fresh look oil control makeup in classic ivory

powder:
this powder is a dream. sonia kashuk barely there loose powder the whole line of sonia products at target is really amazing. i use one that has a little color to it but there is also a translusent one as well. before i used powder, my makeup used to just drip off my face in the summer. this way it stays on for once and makes my skin look nice and even! and a bargin at $8.99.

skincare:
my best friend in the whole world introduced me to these two products. we were in mexico and my very expensive fresh milk cleanser and soy face cream were on the mia... so i started using kerrys drugstore bought products. within days of using both of these products my skin had never looked better (and it wasn't that great oaxaca air either) johnson & johnson's purpose moisturizer comes with built in spf 30 and redness reducer. its also the best thing i have ever used for my sensitive skin. the best best part? its around $10 bucks. the other amazing product is cetaphils gentle skin cleanser has been a dream for me. it is so gentle and actually keeps the moisture in.

last but not least three things i cannot live without:
one item i usually dont leave the house without is blush. im trying to maintain my young, youthful glow (ha!) my favorite of all favorites is nars blush "deep throat". ill admit, the nasty name is the reason i bought it in the first place and it does give you that flushed, just finished with oral sex glow so many girls desire. but at $25, its just not in my budget and i thought i should try something different. This Covergirl Bronzer in "Golden Tan" is suprisingly high quality despite the $3.49 price tag. Just don't use the brush that comes with it. Which leads me to my next item i cannot live without. a good set of brushes! I bought my Sonia Kashuk™ Ultimate Brush Set a few years ago and still use all of them today. i have to say i like this one much better than my own, since this one comes in a cute hott pink carrying case. And for $29.99, its money worth spent. You won't need to replace these brushes unless you happen to lose them!
last, maybelline great lash mascara has been in my makeup bag for years. every now and then i get suckered into buying some expensive $18 to $30 mascara from some counter person that never is as good as this. and apparently, im not the only one who thinks so. i guess it has been a makeup artists favorite for years as well. i usually go for the non waterproof one in soft black. and at around $5 bucks, the best money can buy.

so, dont be so affraid of your local cvs as i have been. tho i will say, just do it at target. it makes the whole experience feel a bit more posh. ha!